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I Made This Album on Anti-Psychotics is a concept album about the year I was diagnosed with bipolar. I Made This Album on Anti-Psychotics: Reimagined is the exact same album, except for something different that I’ve had a hard time pinpointing. It’s more than the past year of voice lessons, it’s more than the 14 extra voices on this new reimagining. It’s more than the difference between 21 and 22. When I wrote Anti-Psychotics initially it was a desperate cry to be heard. I started writing about a year after my diagnosis with bipolar type 1, and with less than a year of sobriety under my belt. I held on to every creative decision like it was my life mission. It was a manic flurry of learning Ableton, learning how to craft songs, and learning what my diagnosis meant long term. This reimagined album is very much out of my control. Yes, at the end of the day I mix and master the songs, but every day I get texts about small changes, writing differences, and constructive criticism. This album is only as strong as the 20 other people making it come alive. I’m more resigned to what life on anti-psychotics looks like now, and I’m almost two years sober. Do you know what’s changed?

As previously stated, Anti-Psychotics is a concept album. I grew up loving “The Wall” and “Ziggy Stardust” and it happened both naturally, and very intentionally. When I started writing songs, that particular period of my life was the only thing that inspired me, and in case you haven’t heard the original album, I’ll outline the story track by track here.

1. Songs in Minor Keys is a fictional story of a breakup with a very erratic instrumental made to sound like the start of a nervous breakdown. 
2. New York My Darling outlines my love/hate relationship with New York through the lens of a toxic relationship. The music was very inspired by theater and was arranged by Sekoya Sleeth.
3. I Don’t Want to Eat Today signals the beginning of the decline, when things become too much and you simply can’t get yourself to eat meals, while feeling the guilt of that being an incredibly privileged position to be in.
4. Drinking Alone is my “asshole” song. Inspired by artists like Noah Kahan I wanted to show that I wasn’t always kind, and it wasn’t always a pretty situation. The chord progression was very inspired by Bob Dylan.
5. Home was also arranged by Sekoya Sleeth and was inspired by classical music. I tried to capture the feeling of a song like Rivers and Roads. Being far away from Home, but still feeling the presence of your family. This is the only original track with a featured artist, my whole immediate family. 
6. Rock Bottom (I Can’t Trust My Mind) is my favorite song from the initial album. It is the calm within the nervous breakdown, it’s the peace of knowing that nothing can hurt you more than you’ve hurt yourself.
7. The Only Way is Up is the song where everything flips. It was written very intentionally to be the follow up to Rock Bottom, and has my favorite outro of any song I’ve written. 
8. Family Ties is the reminder that everything is connected, and the journey of self healing includes realizations, ups, downs, and everything in between.
9. I Don’t Want to Be Pretty Anymore has another outro I love, and is mostly meant to symbolize some sort of tentative peace. It’s the only not super accurate song, because I cut my hair off a while after the period I wrote the album about. 
10.  Songs in Major Keys is the first song I ever released. It’s a love song that hurts, a joyous celebration of fear and love. I still adore this song, and it is the last, but not the least of Sekoya’s arrangements.

At first I thought this story was pretty airtight. But the more time I spent thinking about the parts that make up the whole, the more I saw, well, holes. I brought up this breakup at the very beginning, and it never gets mentioned again. The person who I clearly adore in Songs in Major Keys isn’t foreshadowed at all. Both the descent and ascent happen pretty quickly with some context, but not any evaluation. While working on this project I rewrote four songs I started back in 2025 and let them bridge the sonic narrative and lyrical narrative. The first of these comes right after Songs in Minor Keys and is called Feeling, Feeling, Feeling. Feeling is a song about bitterness after a relationship, and that pit of doom that something is about to go very wrong. It’s an upbeat rock song with some country influences, genres I never really explored in the initial album.

The second new song comes after The Only Way Is Up. If You’re Alright is a song about the talking stage. Getting to know somebody, feeling scared, but marvelling at the differences in your brain. It was heavily inspired by Supertramp. What more can you possibly want in a track?

I don’t want to give too much away about Love is Blind. The track comes after Family Ties and is meant as a bridge, but also as a reflection on past relationships, and hope for the new ones. It is a multi-faceted song that explores conflict, both sonically, and lyrically.

Nineteen is special. It comes right before Songs in Major Keys and is the reflection I feel like the album needs. It was especially special to co-write and feature with Sekoya Sleeth, who was a major contributor to the first album and the new one as far as arrangements and advice goes. 

The vibes are off. Or maybe they’re good? Either way they are certainly different. About a month out from releasing my first album I told someone “I just wish I had made it a bit more psychotic.” A bit more psychotic it certainly is. I utilize a lot more foley sounds, and explore the rock genre and subgenres in a way that perhaps only A Mother’s Love, a song off of my third album, has explored before. I made a very conscious effort for this new reimagining to take on a life of its own. The first single, Drinking Alone featuring Lost in the Obscure, is out now. If that song is any indication, things have changed.

What exactly has changed though? It is definitely more than the vibes, or the fact that humankind has now seen the dark side of the moon. The word that rang in my head today as I sat down to write was “hope.” As cheesy and childish as that sounds, I do have hope. I believe in getting better. I believe in restoration. I believe in the music. I believe that the only way is up.

My first album, very tactfully titled “I Made This Album on Anti-Psychotics”, was released July 12th, 2025. I indeed did make my first album on anti-psychotics. I made my second, third, and fourth albums on anti-psychotics. If you asked me if the psychosis is fueling the albums, or if the albums are fueling the psychosis, I wouldn’t be able to tell you. It’s kind of a chicken and an egg situation, I guess.

One time, someone asked me what I loved most, and I said alcohol. That wasn’t entirely true then, and it’s not entirely true now, but it was a companion. When both of my arms were twisted, I had to quit, and nothing has been the same since. To fill the hole, I started writing in January of 2025. I wrote a hundred songs by July, mostly centered around the year I was nineteen, when a tervis full of deli liquor was my best friend. The result is my first album, “I Made This Album on Anti-Psychotics: or a Brief Study of Insanity.” 

The album is ten songs of me fighting and grasping to make some sense of the alcoholism and bipolar disorder that hit me all at once. It’s a cry for help and a reassurance of hope. I made it so people know it gets better, but psychosis is a fickle thing. You’ve got to hit rock bottom; or maybe that’s just what I like to tell myself.

“I Made This Album on Anti-Psychotics” changed my life. Not because I got any real money or applause for it, but because I learned that some highs you don’t need to smoke for. It’s a high I’ve chased for the past year, releasing two more official albums, and a B-side album of discarded songs. I wrote in an Instagram caption, “I know this is too much music, but I just can’t stop.” I really can’t. Making this sad lesbian music gives me more hope and direction than alcohol ever did, but something has consistently pulled me back to some of the first songs I’ve released. So I’ve decided to start completely fresh, and do what I did a year ago… again. 

It’s not entirely the same. When I made my first album, I was completely isolated. I’m no longer alone, and I can see I was never truly alone, even then. Each track features a different artist I greatly admire. One of my favorite musicians arranged many of the tracks. Many of my friends played various instruments. It’s no longer a solo project, and I couldn’t feel more proud of what it’s become. 

There are also four new tracks, “Nineteen,” “Feeling Feeling Feeling,” “If You’re Alright,” and “Love is Blind.” They are part of the story too, and in the middle of the album, where they should chronologically be. 

More than anything else, I thought it deserved more love. When I produced the original album, I had been producing for three months and songwriting for four. I’m deeply proud of the album I put out, but I knew and know it can be improved upon.

Nineteen musicians played, wrote, sang, and christened this album. Anyone who knows me knows I’m staunchly independent in my art. Up until this point, I’ve proved nearly impossible to collaborate with and very set in my ways. The process of collaborating has been hard, but made me grow so much as an artist. Each of these singers, writers, poets, recording engineers, and instrumentalists added something I could never. Perspective. For that, I will always be grateful. 

So why am I writing about any of this? Mostly because my fiancé/unpaid manager said I needed to make a blog post, but also because I do think it matters. Liza Anne, an artist I respect said, and I’m paraphrasing here, “Some mental illnesses are romantic, mine are not.” Psychosis has a stigma. My particular flavor of bipolar can rub people the wrong way, but hey, it’s in the title. There’s help. I hope if anyone gets anything out of this project, I hope they get that there’s help, there’s hope, and “no one is alone” (had to slip a Sondheim quote into this somewhere!)

I made my first album on anti-psychotics. I made this album on anti-psychotics. I’ll probably be on anti-psychotics the rest of my life, but I also have these songs. Soon you will too.

P.S. Of course this album is dedicated to Jerry

I Made This Album on Anti-Psychotics: Reimagined. Out July 11th, 2026.