My first album, very tactfully titled “I Made This Album on Anti-Psychotics”, was released July 12th, 2025. I indeed did make my first album on anti-psychotics. I made my second, third, and fourth albums on anti-psychotics. If you asked me if the psychosis is fueling the albums, or if the albums are fueling the psychosis, I wouldn’t be able to tell you. It’s kind of a chicken and an egg situation, I guess.
One time, someone asked me what I loved most, and I said alcohol. That wasn’t entirely true then, and it’s not entirely true now, but it was a companion. When both of my arms were twisted, I had to quit, and nothing has been the same since. To fill the hole, I started writing in January of 2025. I wrote a hundred songs by July, mostly centered around the year I was nineteen, when a tervis full of deli liquor was my best friend. The result is my first album, “I Made This Album on Anti-Psychotics: or a Brief Study of Insanity.”
The album is ten songs of me fighting and grasping to make some sense of the alcoholism and bipolar disorder that hit me all at once. It’s a cry for help and a reassurance of hope. I made it so people know it gets better, but psychosis is a fickle thing. You’ve got to hit rock bottom; or maybe that’s just what I like to tell myself.
“I Made This Album on Anti-Psychotics” changed my life. Not because I got any real money or applause for it, but because I learned that some highs you don’t need to smoke for. It’s a high I’ve chased for the past year, releasing two more official albums, and a B-side album of discarded songs. I wrote in an Instagram caption, “I know this is too much music, but I just can’t stop.” I really can’t. Making this sad lesbian music gives me more hope and direction than alcohol ever did, but something has consistently pulled me back to some of the first songs I’ve released. So I’ve decided to start completely fresh, and do what I did a year ago… again.
It’s not entirely the same. When I made my first album, I was completely isolated. I’m no longer alone, and I can see I was never truly alone, even then. Each track features a different artist I greatly admire. One of my favorite musicians arranged many of the tracks. Many of my friends played various instruments. It’s no longer a solo project, and I couldn’t feel more proud of what it’s become.
There are also four new tracks, “Nineteen,” “Feeling Feeling Feeling,” “If You’re Alright,” and “Love is Blind.” They are part of the story too, and in the middle of the album, where they should chronologically be.
More than anything else, I thought it deserved more love. When I produced the original album, I had been producing for three months and songwriting for four. I’m deeply proud of the album I put out, but I knew and know it can be improved upon.
Nineteen musicians played, wrote, sang, and christened this album. Anyone who knows me knows I’m staunchly independent in my art. Up until this point, I’ve proved nearly impossible to collaborate with and very set in my ways. The process of collaborating has been hard, but made me grow so much as an artist. Each of these singers, writers, poets, recording engineers, and instrumentalists added something I could never. Perspective. For that, I will always be grateful.
So why am I writing about any of this? Mostly because my fiancé/unpaid manager said I needed to make a blog post, but also because I do think it matters. Liza Anne, an artist I respect said, and I’m paraphrasing here, “Some mental illnesses are romantic, mine are not.” Psychosis has a stigma. My particular flavor of bipolar can rub people the wrong way, but hey, it’s in the title. There’s help. I hope if anyone gets anything out of this project, I hope they get that there’s help, there’s hope, and “no one is alone” (had to slip a Sondheim quote into this somewhere!)
I made my first album on anti-psychotics. I made this album on anti-psychotics. I’ll probably be on anti-psychotics the rest of my life, but I also have these songs. Soon you will too.
P.S. Of course this album is dedicated to Jerry
I Made This Album on Anti-Psychotics: Reimagined. Out July 11th, 2026.